I wish….
I would just go completely numb already…. I am so tired of hurting…. feeling.
Bedtime seems to be the time when all of my worries and unhappy memories and thoughts want to come out to play.
You see the smile that’s on my mouth
It’s hiding the words that don’t come out
And all of my friends who think that I’m blessed
They don’t know my head is a mess
No, they don’t know who I really am
And they don’t know what
I’ve been through like you do
And I was made for you…
All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I’ve been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don’t mean anything
When you’ve got no one to tell them to
It’s true…I was made for you
It’s hiding the words that don’t come out
And all of my friends who think that I’m blessed
They don’t know my head is a mess
No, they don’t know who I really am
And they don’t know what
I’ve been through like you do
And I was made for you…
All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I’ve been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don’t mean anything
When you’ve got no one to tell them to
It’s true…I was made for you
“
| — | The Story, Brandi Carlile |
Yesterday was rough, an in my attempts to be better, I skipped a concert tonight to go to group. Very ashamed of last night…. Got semi-bad news yesterday and worried about my boyfriend, so gave in and binged and purged…. A lot. Tonight, after a hard group, treating myself to white wine and roasted chicken.
* I am a male.
* I am a girl.
* I am shorter than 5’4.
* I think I’m ugly.
* I have many scars.
* I tan easily.
* I wish my hair was a different color.* I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
* I have a tattoo.
* I am self-conscious about my appearance.
* I have/I’ve had braces.
* I wear glasses.
* I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
* I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger.
* I have more than 2 piercings.
* I have piercing in places besides my ears.
* I have freckles.
* I’ve sworn at my parents.
* I’ve run away from home.
* I’ve been kicked out of the house.
* I have a sibling less than one year old.
* I want to have kids someday.
* I’ve lost a child.
* I’m in school.
* I have a job.
* I’ve fallen asleep at work/school.
* I almost always do my homework.
* I’ve missed a week or more of school.
* I failed more than 1 class last year.
* I’ve stolen something from my job.
* I’ve slipped out a “lol” in a spoken conversation.
* Disney movies still make me cry.
* I’ve peed from laughing.
* I’ve snorted while laughing.
* I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.
* I’ve glued my hand to something.
* I’ve had my pants rip in public.
* I was born with a disease/impairment/disability.
* I’ve gotten stitches/staples.
* I’ve broken a bone.
* I’ve had my tonsils removed.
* I’ve sat in a doctor’s office/emergency room with a friend.
* I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed.
* I had a serious surgery.
* I’ve had measles.
* I’ve driven over 200 miles in one day.
* I’ve been on a plane.
* I’ve been to Canada.
* I’ve been to Mexico.
* I’ve been to Niagara Falls.
* I’ve been to Japan.
* I’ve celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
* I’ve been to Europe.
* I’ve been to Africa.
* I’ve gotten lost in my city.
* I’ve seen a shooting star.
* I’ve wished on a shooting star.
* I’ve seen a meteor shower.
* I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.
* I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
* I’ve kicked a guy where it hurts.
* I’ve been to a casino.
* I’ve been skydiving.
* I’ve gone skinny dipping.
* I’ve played spin the bottle.
* I’ve drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
* I’ve crashed a car.
* I’ve been skiing.
* I’ve met someone in person from Tumblr/Facebook/Twitter
* I’ve caught a snowflake on my tongue.
* I’ve been in a play.
* I’ve seen the Northern lights.
* I’ve sat on a roof top at night.
* I’ve played chicken.
* I’ve played a prank on someone.
* I’ve ridden in a taxi.
* I’ve seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
* I’ve eaten sushi.
* I’ve been snowboarding.
* I’m engaged.
* I’m married.
* I’ve gone on a blind date.
* I’ve been the dumped more than the dumper.
* I miss someone right now.
* I have a fear of abandonment.
* I’ve gotten divorced.
* I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.
* I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
* I’ve told someone I didn’t like/love them when I did.
* I’ve kept something from a past relationship.
* I’ve had a crush on someone of the same sex.
* I’ve had a crush on a teacher.
* I’ve been kissed in the rain.
* I’ve hugged a stranger.
* I have kissed a stranger.
* I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t.
* I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.
* I’ve snuck out of my house.
* I have lied to my parents about where I am.
* I am keeping a secret from the world.
* I’ve cheated while playing a game.
* I’ve cheated on a test.
* I’ve run a red light.
* I’ve been suspended from school.
* I’ve witnessed a crime.
* I’ve been arrested.
* I’ve consumed alcohol.
* I’ve passed out from drinking.
* I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
* I’ve taken pain killers when I didn’t need them.
* I’ve inhaled Nitrous.
* I’ve done hard drugs.
* I have cough drops when I’m not sick
* I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.
* I shut others out*I have been diagnosed with Clinical Depression
* I have been diagnosed with one or more anxiety disorder.
* I’ve taken anti-depressants.
* I’ve hurt myself on purpose.
* I’ve woken up crying.
* I’m afraid of dying.
* I hate funerals.
* I’ve seen someone die.
* Someone close to me has committed suicide.
* I’ve planned my own suicide.
* I’ve attempted suicide.
* I’ve written a eulogy for myself.
* I own over 5 rap CDs.
* I own an iPod or MP3 player.
* I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
* I own multiple designer purses.
* I own something from Hot Topic.
* I own something from Pac Sun.
* I collect comic books.
* I like girls.
* I like guys.
* I’ve been close to being homeless.
* I’ve had someone close to me almost die.
* I’ve been in more then one Near Death Experience.
* I have been accused of something that I never did.
Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike.
“
| — | J.K. Rowling (via kari-shma) |
